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How To Deal With Mother-in-law and new baby

Updated August 3, 2022

Are you a new mom wondering how to deal with mother-in-law and new baby?

You are NOT alone.

Even the best mothers-in-law can be overbearing to brand new moms.

It can be really tough to deal with a pushy mother-in-law, especially when you are just trying to take care of your new baby and recover from the delivery.


mother in law and new baby


The last thing you need is your partner’s mother making the situation worse. 

So what can you do if your mother-in-law is making you crazy about your newborn?




The most important thing you can do is to set firm boundaries from the beginning.

You are the mom and your rules are what goes.

I wish I had done that with my mil from day one. 

She was constantly telling me what to do with the baby.

More so, telling me what I was doing wrong.

As a first-time mom, I was nervous and unsure of what I was doing, and being criticized made it worse.

In this blog post, we will discuss some strategies for dealing with a pushy mother-in-law and a new baby. 

We will also provide some tips for creating a good relationship with your in-laws. 

Remember that what you focus on is what expands. 

You will have more success if you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your MIL.

So let’s talk about ways you can set firm boundaries without alienating your baby’s grandparents.

How To Deal with mother-in-law and new baby


Strategy #01: Set Limits


One of the best ways to deal with a pushy mother-in-law is to set limits.

Let her know that you are in charge and that you will make decisions about your baby’s care.

If she doesn’t respect your boundaries, then it might be time for a family meeting so that everyone can discuss the situation.


Strategy #02: Talk to Your Partner


It’s important to talk to your partner about your mother-in-law and new baby.

Make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to dealing with her.

If your partner is siding with his or her mother, then it can be tough to deal with the situation.


Strategy #03: Be Patient


It’s important to be patient when dealing with a pushy mother-in-law.

She is probably just trying to help, but she might not be doing it in the right way.

Try to explain your needs and preferences to her, and be prepared to have some disagreements.


Strategy #04: Set Boundaries with Your Mother-in-Law


Another way to deal with a pushy mother-in-law is to set boundaries.

Let her know what you are and are not comfortable with, and make it clear that you will not tolerate any unwanted interference.

If she continues to push her boundaries, then it might be time for a family meeting.


Strategy #05: Spend Time with Your Mother-in-Law Alone


If your mother-in-law is pushing too hard, try spending some time alone with her.

This will give you a chance to get to know her better and discuss any issues that are causing conflict between the two of you.

It might even help to set some ground rules for visits so that she knows what behavior is acceptable and what isn’t.


Strategy #06: Take a Break from Your Mother-in-Law


Sometimes it’s best to just take a break from your mother-in-law.

If she is causing too much stress or drama, then it might be time to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.

Try scheduling some occasional visits, or just call her every once in a while to catch up.


Strategy #07: Don’t Let Her Get Away with Bad Behavior


If your mother-in-law is pushing too hard, then don’t let her get away with it.

If she tries to control what you do or how you feel about something, then put an end to the conversation right away.

You have a right to raise your child the way you want.

You should not tolerate being bullied.


Strategy #08: Seek Professional Help


If you are struggling to deal with your mother-in-law and new baby, then it might be time to seek professional help.

A therapist can provide you with some tools and strategies for dealing with this difficult situation.

Another option is to hire a postpartum doula for your first week or two at home.

Your postpartum doula can help your family adjust to the new baby and help you with setting boundaries with your mother-in-law.


Strategy #9:  Bring your own baby gear to your in-laws.


Bring your own baby gear and baby food to your in-law’s house if these have been issues in the past or if you want to avoid any conflict.

This works especially well over the holidays


Strategy #10: Make sure your mother-in-law gets time to spend with the baby.


This is so important. I know it can be hard if you have a difficult mother-in-law.

It is normal when you are a new mom to want your own mom to be there helping you.

I know I wanted my mom’s help after I had my son.

But it was important to include my mother-in-law as well.


Here are a few tips for creating a good relationship with your in-laws:


Be patient. It might take some time for your in-laws to adjust.

Give them space and let them know that they are welcome at any time, but don’t force anything on them either.

If there is an issue between you and your partner’s parents, then it’s best not to bring up the subject until everyone has calmed down.


Be respectful. Always be polite and respect your in-laws’ opinions.

Even if you don’t agree with them, try to express yourself in a calm and respectful manner.


Be understanding. Your in-laws are probably just trying to help, but they might not know how to do it the right way.

Try to be understanding and explain your needs and preferences to them.


Be flexible. Things will never be perfect, so try to be flexible when it comes to family gatherings or visits.

If something comes up last minute, try to be accommodating.


Make time for them. It’s important to make time for your in-laws, even if they are difficult to deal with.

Try scheduling regular visits or phone calls so that you can stay in touch and build a relationship with them.



Final Thoughts

If you’re having trouble dealing with a pushy mother-in-law and new baby, then these strategies can help. 

Remember, it’s important to be patient and set boundaries when necessary

You also need to find some middle ground between what she wants and what you want for your family.

Hope this helps! Good luck!



  • Doug Penta MD OB/GYN

    Dr. Doug Penta, MD - Co-Founder of Maternity Comfort Solutions Dr. Doug Penta, is a seasoned Obstetrician and Gynecologist with over 38 years of practice, co-founded Maternity Comfort Solutions to provide evidence-based pregnancy and parenting information. A Boston University alum and former Clinical Professor at Harvard, his articles on Maternity Comfort Solutions offer expectant mothers invaluable nutritional insights.

  • Sue Winters RN

    Sue Winters, RN - Co-Founder of Maternity Comfort Solutions Sue combines 20 years of nursing with a rich background in early childhood education. Co-founder of Maternity Comfort Solutions, her articles provide creative toddler activities and practical tips on pregnancy nutrition and baby shower planning, embodying her commitment to supporting families through early parenthood.

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